Have you ever watched a certain famous TV icon and wondered: "why isn't this working for me"? You're not alone! The 'naughty step' has a number of problems - we'll outline what those problems are, and what you can do instead.
Let's be honest, we've all been there - your child does something they shouldn't, so you put them on the 'naughty step'. It's what TV personalities recommend, so it must work for you too... right?
Unfortunately not! Firstly, because the naughty step's rule of 'one minute per age of the child' is a completely made-up rule. Every child is unique and requires a child-centred approach. Particularly when you're parenting or supporting children with ADHD or other difficulties with their attention and hyperactivity, sitting without any occupation for that length of time can be really tricky.
The biggest issue with the naughty step is that it does not address why the behaviour has occurred in the first place. All behaviour happens for a reason - it has a purpose and a meaning (even when we think it might have "come out of nowhere" - it hasn't!). In some cases, behaviours can occur with the purpose of the child getting away from something that they don't like, don't enjoy or find difficult. In these situations, putting them on the naughty step means that they don't have to do the thing that they feel uncomfortable about and this can actually make the behaviour worse!
Addressing the "why?" behind behaviours of concern is really important - it allows us to understand the underlying need that drives the behaviour and causes it to occur. Without understanding it, we can't change it. A better approach is to teach the child a different way of getting their needs met, or to change the way that we approach the situation to make the behaviour less likely to occur. Punishment doesn't teach the child what they should do instead of the behaviour of concern - it only takes away their method of communicating that something is upsetting them.
Another major issue with punishments such as the naughty step is that they are only effective whilst they're in place - the moment you stop using the punishment, the behaviour of concern comes back! As we've said, punishment doesn't teach the child what to do instead, so if they're not able to figure out a different way of meeting their needs (and let's face it, it's not an easy task for a child to figure out what to do on their own), the behaviour of concern returns as soon as the punishment is no longer in place. So unless you plan on using the naughty step forever, it's not a very effective long-term strategy! Take speed cameras as an example - how many of you have been in a car with someone who brakes to go through a speed camera, and then speeds up straight away as soon as they go past it? Exactly...!
The final problem punishments is that imposing them can result in higher levels of aggressive behaviour as a result. Let's say your child slapped you, so you try to put them on the naughty step... but in trying to get them there, your child has then punched you, pulled your hair and bitten you, to the point that you can't get them on the step. Many TV personalities would expect you to just tolerate this and keep using it because "it'll get better"... but what if the aggression becomes so significant that you can't enforce the naughty step? Because there's a very strong risk that the child may learn to use even more aggressive behaviours to communicate their needs in the future - which is definitely not something that you want to encourage!
So what can we do instead? Well, firstly, you can get in touch with us to help you figure out the why. Once that's been achieved, you can teach the child a different way of getting that need met, and prompt them to use this different skill when you notice them struggling. You can also change the environment around the child so that their needs are already met, and the behaviour therefore doesn't occur in the first place!
Want to know more about your options for a compassionate, effective approach to behaviour? Click on the 'contact' form and get in touch!
